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Dear Church Member,
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Kristen and I am a pastor’s kid. If you are reading this, it is for probably one of two reasons. First, you are truly interested in hearing from the heart of a pastor’s kid, or two, you are expecting me to write a hateful and rude article about how much I hate being a pastor’s kid and how much I hate church people. If the latter of the two reasons is the reason you are reading this, then you are exactly the person I want to finish reading this blog. I have seen ministry from just about every angle. I have seen it from the side of a normal family attending church, from the side of my parents becoming pastors, and from the side of my grandparents being pastors. I know. My parents and grandparents are pastors? You are probably thinking that I am scarred for life - and in a lot of ways I probably am. That being said, I hope to use my point of view to destroy some of the common myths about pastor’s kids for you – well, not just my point of view, but also the view of my fellow pastor’s kids friends who have shared their hearts with me to help you understand a little more about us. A lot of times, we feel like we are probably the most misunderstood group of people on the planet. I hope to help enlighten you on what the children of your pastor think, feel, and what we wish you, the people in our congregation, knew about us. So here is a letter from a Pastor’s Kid and four things I wish you knew about us. The first thing we want you know is that we are human. I know, I know. You were not expecting me to say that but in all honesty it is probably the number one thing it seems you forget as a church member. Although you may view us as supernatural, sainted children and families, nothing could be further from the truth. We have bad days. We have hard times. We have feelings. Probably the number one thing that frustrates people in ministry and makes them want to throw in the towel is that it seems it is all too often forgotten that we are not perfect. I understand that because of the position I am in, much will be expected of me. I get that. I really do. But I would also like you to remember that I am a person just like you. Just as you would hate when people get mad and talk about your parents, I hate it too. Just like you hate if people expect your parents to be perfect, I hate it too. Just like you would not want me to place unrealistic expectations on you to always have a smile on your face and act life is perfect in Jesus, I as a Pastors Kid do not want you to place those expectations on me either. I am human just like you. Secondly, we want you to remember, we are just kids. As much as I wish I could say we are perfect children, we are not. We do not know it all yet because we are still learning and growing like your children are. We are still being taught by our parents what is right and wrong. We were not born with an implanted, all knowing knowledge of the Bible and we are still learning what it says for ourselves. We are going to make mistakes and while I understand and wholeheartedly agree that there is a higher holiness that we have to live up to, all I ask, Church Member, is that you give us a little room to grow, learn, and make mistakes because, after all, we are just kids not so very different from yours. The third thing we want you to know is that we are not favored over every other kid. The number one thing upsets me in my life as a pastor’s kid is that people think our parents only ever let us have the glory of working in the church. Because we work at every single event, you think our parents automatically favor us think that we are the only kids in the church who can do the job. Guess what? It is not true, period. End of story. If I am going to be completely transparent with you, most of the time we really do not volunteer to help. Now do not get me wrong. I absolutely love serving in ministry and am willing to help wherever I am needed but you do not know how many times I have been called on to lend a hand because someone backs out at the last minute, has a family emergency, or, let us just be real, gets angry and leaves the church and can no longer fulfill their obligation. Our parents call on us to help out because that is what families do when last minute situations of life come up. Once again, we are not so very different from you. Just as you would expect your children to help you out, so our parents do with us. The last things we want you to know is that not all pastor’s Kids hate church and church people. Now I fully understand that this is not the case in every situation. Some pastor’s kids do grow up and refuse to have anything to do with church or God because of the life they lived growing up. But let me tell you I can understand why a lot of pastor’s kids do grow up and want nothing to do with ministry because being a pastor’s kid is not easy at all. It is tough. There is more peer pressure and more expectations place on us than you can possibly imagine. We have to see our parents’ name be run through the mud all over the city. We have to see people misuse our parents and we have to see the ugly sides of life and people. Yet despite all of the aspects we see of life in ministry and church people, not all of us are rebellious kids who are going to grow up and turn completely against God. Most of us really do love Jesus with all of our hearts and are planning to follow our parent’s footsteps of ministry. Please, Church Member, do not let the choices of some Pastors Kids ruin your view of the rest of us. I know this may sound like a long list of complaints about how terribly misunderstood pastor’s kids feel but it is not my purpose to make you feel as though we are complaining. My purpose is to try to help you understand a little more about us and what we think and feel so that some of the cliché thoughts about and titles placed on pastor’s kids may be dismantled. Dearest Church Member, I hope that I have helped you understand the heart of a pastor’s kid. I want you to know that besides Jesus and my family, there is nothing that I love more than being in ministry and being a pastor’s kid. Especially if you are a member of my church, I want you to know that I love you. I pray for you. I fast for you. I am here to serve you. I try to be a good example for your children and grandchildren. I want you to know that, as a pastor’s kid, I do not hate you as a church member and I do not hate the title of “Pastor’s Kid.” In fact, I love it.
Forever yours, Kristen